We Plan – God laughs by Vita
In our October edition, under the feature The Power of Aging, thepinkelephant posted an article on Women’s Wisdom – Our Heritage. It is our intention to celebrate the life, age, wisdom and power of the many women in our midst by giving voice to those who want to tell their stories. Each month we will publish someone’s story.
“We plan– God laughs.” This is an old Yiddish saying.
And so it was with me.
There I was minding my own business. Life was good as I saw it. I was now single. My son and daughter were happy and healthy. I was pleased with my work. I had no financial concerns. If you had asked me in those days to tell you about myself I would have hauled out some labels. I am tenth born of twelve children. Being younger in the brood may explain why I don’t, by nature, blend into the background. One had to make oneself be heard above the din. I would say I was a very social person and a favorite pastime of mine was to indulge in humour.
I would add: I am a mother, grandmother, community worker and am often seen in the schools, sheltered workshops working with students who have special needs. I am studying in the music field and have a fascination for all things metaphysical. Somehow I knew that the latter would figure highly in my life some day but could not grasp what the catalyst would be to bring me to that path. Little did I know what was in store for me. My life was about to turn on a dime.
I do remember chasing a rock at a curling rink. I couldn’t keep up with it and made my pronouncement: “This is just a game and not worth cracking my head over.” I was very clear on that and let it go. I’ve prided myself on making wise choices. I might even go so far as to say that in those days I thought that I “knew it all.” Not more than a few minutes later I stood with confidence at the other end of the ice sheet…my feet astride, broom in front of me and clear of all dangers. Or so I thought. Suddenly and without warning my feet leapt out from under me….so fast that I couldn’t save myself. I do remember my head hitting the ice. It was a remarkable sensation to feel my brain impact on the front of my skull and then the back. Fade to black. That’s all she wrote. Now who was I? Things change in the blinking of an eye.
I could not work, drive or even make my way to a bus. Here I was taking the “handy dart” to the Gorge Road Hospital. It was impossible to hold or follow a conversation for more than ten minutes. I couldn’t read or write efficiently. Humour had become a foreign language to me. My ability to retain information had come to a halt. Long story short, I had lost a lot of skills. As time and I progressed something new started to happen. Out of the blue I began to have what some would term “out of body experiences, psychic occurrences. Without will or intention unexplainable events would occur and I could not deny them. How could I learn to control these incidents? What did they mean? Who am I becoming?
Surely great gain cannot come without great loss. The archetype of the “wounded healer” was first spoken of by Kerenyi a colleague of Jung. He has the “capacity to come through darkness and there to find a gem of light as though by enchantment.” In ancient tribal cultures healers were often initiated by Spirit through times of tribulation. They may have been struck by lightening or had experienced some other ordeal. These individuals were then gifted and became conduits, Shaman, mediating between the ordinary and non-ordinary worlds. Ecstatic states were often achieved with the help of drum. Contact with the Spirit world was commonplace.
There are many such as these who live in our society today. Called first of all to heal self, and then to share with others. Seventeen years ago I was thrust into the realm of great mysteries. I do believe that I needed to come to bended knee before I could stand as strong as I do at this time. My circle of friends has changed. I have immense gratitude for Teachers of many disciplines who came to me. Since I apprenticed and was initiated into the Shamanic tradition I no longer have spontaneous “out of body” episodes. I practice First Nations healing medicine and now have control over my “journeys” into an altered state. I use journeys to ask Spirit how I can best serve in the treatment of one who comes for help.
So was this “accident” an accident? Are we fated to travel a certain path in this life? Could I have gotten to this place of being by any other means? We can’t know these things for certain can we? I can only lean on my everyday experiences, then act according to my intuition and heart. I have come to believe these things: that everything and everyone exists for a purpose. All things are connected to each other. Likely we have choices even prior to our births.…yes, “births”. I have agreed to be with my primary relationships in this life: husband, wife, children or lover. We are each others’ teachers and had this contract. There are no mistakes or failures. I keep in mind that for every one of my actions there is a response. I tread carefully. The best place for me to live is on the fulcrum called neutrality, without judgment of “bad” or “good”. This is the stance I take when doing any healing work….with Divine Nonchalance…knowing that all things are possible.
I am sometimes asked “Are you better yet, in terms of your brain injury? If you had the chance to undo these past years, to take an easier road would you? I am so much better than I ever was prior to the fall. In no way do I resemble who or how I was at that time though. Would I do it all over again? Indeed I would. I have answered a call. The price is well worth it. My life is rich and full of prospects each day.
I still have my challenges. And if we meet I assure you that I’ll remember your face and your heart. You’ll just have to forgive me if I don’t recall your name. But isn’t it all about the heart anyway?
Contact: vitaathome@shaw.ca
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